How Life can be Unexpected

Since my last blog I would say my life has changed a lot. If I look back on my life a year ago, I would not have expected myself to be where I am now. I would like to share my story with everyone to hopefully help those in similar situations and to just be heard, this past year has been a mess of ups and downs. Through these ups and downs I have had great support from friends and family which I will always be grateful for. My story began when my relationship changed, now this wasn’t a quick change it was a progressive change that occurred over several months. My concept of reality changed, and my eyes opened to the changing new world. It wasn’t just a thing I heard about; it was now a part of my life. My now ex-husband, to which I will refer to as M, was having an identity crisis. M was becoming more feminine and unable to express themselves in their current body.

That was when we had our first discussion on changing sexual orientation. I was shocked and never thought that this would happen. I look back on our wedding and couldn’t even picture this.  I tried my best to support M, supporting through decisions that I thought would make them happy. No matter how much I tried to support M, this was also affecting my life. A relationship is made with 2 people, and they should both be happy. I was becoming unhappy with this change but still wanted to support the person I married. I had to step back and look at my life in a different perspective, is this what I imagined my life would become?

I was searching through the internet for answers. Should I stay? Should I leave? What happens now?  But no matter how much I looked, everyone’s experiences were different and there was no answer.  I discussed my situation with family and friends, and they helped me to see that I really needed to do was to also think about myself. No matter what situation you find yourself in, never forget that it is your life. What is the point in life if you can’t be happy? I couldn’t keep slowly going along with everything, when I knew that this would have a big impact on the future. I needed to shut out everyone else and really think. That was when I decided to write everything down, I wrote M a letter that expressed my feelings for the future. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to discuss everything in person and had to get it out, otherwise I would have kept bottling it up.

I look back at my situation as I write and am thankful that I was able to express myself. This was the stepping stone to changing my life for the better. I felt that it has also opened more opportunities for M to express themselves openly with nothing holding them back. In a way it supported our decision that we would both be happier if we went our separate ways. Now I’m not going to pretend that it was easy, it was hard, there was many emotions through good and bad. I made it through by looking ahead and keeping busy. I made a plan for the future and hoped for the best. I never would have dreamed about getting divorced but now I understand that this is something that can happen. Everyone wants to live their life and be happy. Some people just need more time to realise what they actually want in life and that’s okay. Life is meant to be lived and will throw the unexpected at you. I made it through this journey because of all my support from family and friends. Never try to go through something on your own, people are social beings and we are all here for each other. Be proud of yourself.